The Positive One
by BubblyShell22
Summary: When John Cena hurts his boss, Vince sends him to The Positive One to change his attitude. Parody of a TMNT episode.


The Positive One

A/N: Hey, I know it's been a little while, but I'm here to write again. This story is a parody of one of my favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the 2003 series) episodes entitled "The Ancient One." However, this one will feature wrestlers instead of the Turtles themselves. I thought it would be a funny thing to do and a great homage to two of my favorite fandoms. So, without any more rambling, here is my parody.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the wrestlers associated with this story. They belong to themselves and to Vince McMahon. I'm just doing this for fun.

Summary: After John Cena hurts his boss, Vince sends him to The Positive One to change his attitude before he gets fired. Parody of a TMNT episode.

John Cena was pissed. He was honestly sick and tired of being the face of the WWE. Everywhere he went, people looked up to him and asked for his autograph. At first, he didn't care about it that much and reveled in the attention. But now, things were coming to a head for him. He just couldn't take it anymore. He was being sent to see Vince about a new angle the Chairman had for him, but he knew it wasn't going to be a good one. It never was.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" John asked as he entered Vince's office. Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and CM Punk were also present, though John had no idea why.

"Yes, Cena, I have a very good idea for you," Vince replied. "The fans really like your motto of rising above hate, so we thought that maybe it would be a good idea if you allowed a lucky fan to stand in your corner during your matches. It would bring a good publicity to the WWE if you did that."

"But, Vince, I really don't like being a face anymore," John told him. "Why can't you just make me a heel? I think it would be a good idea, especially since I'm feuding with Kane now. Maybe have it where I get pissed and suddenly turn on the fans. I think that would be a better idea."

"That's a ridiculous idea," Vince answered. "It'll never go over. You're the face of the company whether you like it or not, John, so you have to do this. The fans love you, and we want to keep that going."

John had had enough. He'd tried being nice, and that wasn't working. "Dammit, Vince, I don't want to do that anymore!" he yelled. "When the hell are you gonna get it through your head that I DON"T WANT TO BE A FACE?" And with that, he gave Vince an Attitude Adjustment right through his desk.

Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and CM Punk were shocked. "Mr. McMahon!" they yelled, rushing to the Chairman's side.

"John, what the hell's your problem?" Triple H demanded as he gave Cena a mean glare. He had an urge to give that punk a Pedigree, but he refrained from doing so since his father-in-law was injured.

John's eyes widened in shock. He couldn't believe what he'd just done. "Mr. McMahon, I didn't mean to AA you!" he cried as he hurried to his boss's side. "I just lost control." He hung his head in shame as he thought about what he'd done. He was really in for it now.

A little while later, John was brought in to see his boss. He could tell Vince was pissed, so he came in meekly, ready to apologize profusely.

"Sit down, Cena," Vince ordered him.

Cena took the chair and looked in the Chairman's eyes. "Mr. McMahon, I don't know what to say," he began, but Vince cut him off before he could go on.

"Don't say anything," he ordered. "Just listen. You've been angry for a long time now. Don't think I haven't noticed because I have. I thought about trying to reach you, but I knew you were too stubborn to accept help. But now, you need it because you've let your anger get to you, and it's caused you to hurt me. But there is a solution. There's someone who can help you, and it's time that you went to him now. He's called The Positive One, and he will help you to turn your negative energy and thoughts into positive energy and thoughts."

"Mr. McMahon, I don't need to see anyone," Cena protested. "I'm sorry for what I did, and I'll take whatever other punishment you can give me. I'll even sleep with Kelly Kelly if that's what you want. Just don't send me away."

Vince sighed. "I have no choice, Cena," he said. "Now, you'd better go pack your things."

John knew there was no arguing with Vince, so he did as he was told. He didn't say goodbye to the other wrestlers because he knew there was no point. None of them would miss him. He boarded a boat that was leaving for Japan. John was a bit confused as to why The Positive One was in Japan, but he knew he couldn't question anything now. He had to take his medicine like a man. So, he settled in the boat and listened to his own theme music, hoping it would take away the anxiety he felt at the moment.

When he arrived in Japan, he had no idea what to do. Where the hell was he supposed to go? He saw a path and decided to follow it. After all, there was nothing else for him to go on. Why hadn't Vince given him a map or something? He sighed and made his way along the path. It was so boring with no one to talk to, but this was how it had to be. Then he saw two people guarding some sort of gate. Who were they? Would they let him pass?

Upon seeing John, the two men immediately barred his way from passing.

"You can't pass here, Jabroni," one of the men said.

"Hang on, Rock, he might need help," said the other man. He had long curly hair and a beard, and he had a sock puppet on his hand. He immediately changed his voice and moved the puppet's mouth as though it was speaking. "Mr. Socko wants to know what you seek," he said.

"Um, I seek The Positive One," John replied. Maybe if he told them what he wanted, they'd let him pass.

"You seek the Positive One?" laughed The Rock. "Look at you. I've heard of you, John Cena. Gong around in your purple shirt, your green shirt, your orange shirt until you look like a big fat bowl of Fruity Pebbles. You ain't man enough to seek The Positive One."

Mick Foley laughed. "Yeah, you're just weak, Cena," he said.

John was angry. "That's it," he growled. "I didn't come all this damn way to turn around and go back home." He put his pack on the ground and charged at The Rock, hoping to beat him. But The Rock saw him coming and managed to give him a Rock Bottom for his efforts. John was pissed and let out a scream of rage that caused the birds to take flight, the mountains to tremble, and the kids who idolized him to cry into their Fruity Pebbles because they couldn't believe that their hero was so angry. Then John lunged at Mick Foley, but Foley caught him with a Mandible Claw, causing John to taste nothing but Mr. Socko.

"You see, John Cena?" The Rock asked him. "Do you see why you can't beat us? It's because you have no talent. You have nothing to beat us with but a limited move set that nobody cares about. I think that some time with The Positive One will do you some good, so here are the directions." Then he gave Cena the directions to the Hidden Land where he'd find The Positive One. Foley let him up, and with a glare, Cena took up his pack and left the two wrestlers, who continued to laugh at him.

Cena reached the Hidden Land soon enough, but he couldn't find anybody there. What was going on? Suddenly, he heard someone yell, "BANG!" and turned to find a man with curly blonde hair and blue jeans sitting on the ground and smoking a cigar. Cena gaped at him as though he couldn't believe that someone else was here.

The man grinned at him. "Nice one, huh?" he asked.

"Um, yeah, I guess," John said. "Listen, I'm trying to find someone called The Positive One. Do you think you can take me to him or her?"

The man laughed. "You seek The Positive One?" he asked. "Yeah, sure I can take you to that idiot. My names Diamond Dallas Page, but everyone calls me DDP for short. Now, this voyage won't be cheap so it's gonna cost you."

"But I don't really have any money," John told him.

"Well, then give me food," DDP said. "You have doughnuts? Give me doughnuts. You have beef jerky? Give me beef jerky. You have pork rinds? Give me pork rinds."

"Sorry, but I don't have any of those things," John said. "Mostly I have some fruit, trail mix, some chocolate—"

"You have chocolate?" DDP asked, his blue eyes lighting up. "Give me that."

"Okay, here," John said, and he gave DDP some chocolate. DDP gobbled it up, savoring the taste.

"You have more?" he asked. "Gimme!"

"Let's save it for later," John told him. "So, are you sure you can lead me to The Positive One?"

"All roads lead to The Positive One," DDP told him. "But some roads are shorter than others, monkey boy." Then he started walking in a different direction.

"Um, the path continues this way," John reminded him as he pointed to it.

DDP glared at him. "I said that some roads are shorter than others," he retorted. "That means a shortcut, stupid."

John sighed and followed DDP's shortcut. He wasn't happy about it, but he knew there was nothing else he could do. He had to follow this man to get to where he needed to be.

When night fell, they set up camp for the night. DDP kept telling John certain stories about his career, but John really didn't want to hear about it. Every now and then, DDP would suddenly yell, "BANG!" for no good reason. It was starting to get on John's nerves, and he decided it would be best to tell him so.

"Man, you are unbelievable," he moaned after DDP had yelled again.

"What? It's my catchphrase," DDP told him.

Suddenly, they heard something else besides themselves in the wilderness. John had to strain his ears, but he could've sworn he'd heard someone yell, "Viva La Raza!"

"What's that?" John asked.

DDP seemed unconcerned. "Oh, those are just some demon ghosts coming up the trail," he said nonchalantly.

John was worried. "Demon what?" he asked, feeling a bit scared. He remembered when his brothers would sometimes scare him at night by hiding in the closet and pretending to be ghosts. He wasn't sure he could handle this. Suddenly, he saw a ghostly low rider come driving toward them and saw three men inside. The ghosts of Eddie Guerrero, Owen Hart, and "Macho Man" Randy Savage seemed to be having a good time. Cena became alert and immediately got into a fighting stance, which would've looked cooler if he'd had some katanas in his hands. Unfortunately, Cena wasn't a kick ass Ninja Turtle by the name of Leonardo, so all he could do was put up his fists.

"Get ready," he cautioned DDP. "We may have to fight them."

DDP laughed. "Calm down, monkey boy," he said. "If we don't bother them, they won't bother us."

John seemed reassured by his words and sat down. But suddenly, DDP yelled, "BANG!" and the ghosts turned their way. John glared at DDP again, and the man just said, "What? It's my catchphrase."

"Oh, shit," Cena moaned and got into his fighting stance again. The ghosts were suddenly upon him, and Cena couldn't even fight back. He endured punches and kicks and tried for some of his own, but he couldn't make a dent in them. He turned to see DDP just sitting there and grinning at him.

"Don't get up to help or anything," Cena said sarcastically.

"Okay, I won't," DDP said. "Now, where's that chocolate?"

Cena continued to fight bravely but knew he was losing badly. "I see where this is going," he panted. "They can hurt me, but I can't hurt them. I'm gonna lose and be a failure. None of the kids will look up to me anymore. What the hell am I gonna do?"

"Try giving up," DDP suggested.

"That's stupid," John said. "I don't do things like that. It's not in my honor code. I'm the Doctor of Thuganomics."

DDP shook his head. "You won't be much of a Doctor of Thuganomics without a head," he told him.

John knew he was right and had to face facts. There was no way he was going to win. "I give up!" he cried.

Suddenly, the ghosts stopped beating up on him, got back in their low rider, and left.

Cena fell to his knees. "I lost," he cried. "I gave up, the one thing I said I would never do."

"You are so stupid," DDP told him. "You're alive, aren't you? A wrestler who never fails, never learns."

Cena paid him no attention. He just didn't care anymore about what DDP had to say.

The next day, they made it further on their journey until they came to a dead end.

"It's the end of the line, monkey boy," DDP said. "The temple of The Positive One is up there. Do you think you're worthy to make the journey?"

John nodded. "I do," he said solemnly.

DDP shrugged. "Okay, your funeral," he said. Then he followed John up the mountain until they reached the temple.

"Now, you'll face your most deadly adversary," DDP told him. "Prepare yourself, monkey boy."

As they entered the temple, a group of stones began forming themselves into this monstrous being who towered over John Cena.

"I have seen your fears and weaknesses," the being told him. "You are destined to fail as you have always failed yourself and others."

"You can't see me!" John retorted as he waved his hand in front of his face.

"I can see you clearly, and I know you better than you know yourself," the being replied.

John didn't care. He lunged at the being and tried to lock up with it, but the being grabbed him in a bear hug and tried to crush the air out of him. As John tried to fight back, he saw a vision of his brothers making fun of him and calling him weak. He shook his head to rid himself of the vision and managed to escape the being's hold. He tried to punch, but the being blocked it, and John was assaulted with another vision of Vince firing him. Once again, he tried to fight back, but the being blocked his kick, giving him a vision of the children who looked up to him chanting, "Cena sucks! Cena sucks!"

"No, I won't let that happen!" John cried. "I'm the face of the WWE." With a last burst of strength, he managed to fight out of the being's hold and delivered another punch that made its mark this time. The being staggered back and John kept going at it, finally managing to give it a Five Knuckle Shuffle and an Attitude Adjustment. The being crumbled and John soon saw that the being under the stone was himself. He gasped in shock and realized what it all meant now.

"If you're the face of the WWE, why are you so pissed off about it?" DDP asked him.

"I think I get it now," John whispered. He then turned to DDP. "You're The Positive One, aren't you?"

DDP grinned. "That's me, DDP," he said. "It took you long enough, John Cena."

"Well, thanks for your help," John said.

"No problem," DDP replied. "So, tell me what you've learned."

"I guess I just closed myself off from everybody," John replied. "I was just so angry and so frustrated for no reason. I wanted to turn my back on the fans who have been with me from the start. I just—"

Suddenly, DDP hit him with a stick that was lying by his side.

"Ouch, what was that for?" John asked him as he rubbed his head.

"Too many words," DDP replied. "Explain it simply."

"I became my own worst enemy," John said.

DDP nodded. "Much better," he said. "Now, let me tell you about my feud with 'Macho Man' Randy Savage."

So John sat down over some burgers and fries and listened to DDP talk more about his career, and this time he listened and found it fascinating. No matter what, DDP had helped him out, and Cena knew he would be forever grateful for it. He would learn more lessons and learn to enjoy being the face of the WWE no matter what. That was where he belonged, and he was determined to keep it that way.

The End

A/N: So, what did you think? I can't believe I reached eleven pages with this. I might have other parodies of TMNT episodes if I think about it. For the record, DDP has always been my favorite wrestler, and I thought he would be a good fit for this story. During the episode "The Ancient One" the AO grins a little, and it reminded me of how DDP used to do that when he was in WWE. So, that's why I used him as The Positive One. I think it fits. Feel free to leave me a review, and have a shelltastic day.


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